Moments

I've been having a few of those moments lately where, even if only for a few seconds, I see my children for the joy they bring and the little people they are becoming.  I treasure those moments, and I need to seek for more of them.  As a mother, I think it is all too easy to get caught up in the mundane tasks of everyday life and miss all the moments that really matter.  Moments like all three of my boys playing together, happily.  Watching my 7-year-old speak to his 2-year-old brother in a kind, motherly voice, like he has heard me doing, or reading him a story.  Chad reading, really reading, from chapter books-man, he's growing up!  Tyler talking to me all day, telling me everything that comes to his little boy mind, and Greyson telling me, "I do it, by myself.".  I came across this quote the other day that really struck me:

The happiest people I know are not those who find their golden ticket; they are those who, while in the pursuit of worthy goals, discover and treasure the beauty and sweetness of the everyday moments". -Dieter F. Uchdorf

Boy, I am so guilty of waiting for my "golden ticket". Not that I'm not happy now, but I find myself constantly thinking of how much better life will be when . . .

When Dave can quit his second job and be home more
When we have finished paying off our debts
When we build our dream home
When I'm all done being pregnant, like done forever, which I'm not sure is yet
When all my kids are in school and I can get a little more done each day

The list could go on and on.  The thing is, when I constantly focus on the future or my "golden ticket", I'm missing the everyday moments.  I'm learning that life is mostly challenges and trials of faith,  with small fleeting moments of peace and joy, that if we look for them, are truly our treasure.  My children are growing up before my eyes.  I've got to treasure these moments.  Yes, some days are hard.  But, I know that for this stage of my life, home is where I need to be.  And, when we are on the Lord's errand, we are entitled to His help.  I know that as a mother, I'm on the Lords errand.

I posted that quote in my bedroom, right as I walk out of my room.  I need to frame it and place it in virtually every room in my home as a reminder.  No more "golden tickets" Telena, THIS is my NOW! 

Homework and Prayers

For some reason, this guy and I have been butting heads. 

I think the fact of the matter is that he and I are very much alike.  Mainly, we are both very stubborn and strong willed.  I have felt lately like I have been such a nag with Chad.  It is tricky when he is the only child in school.  He has to get up before the other boys, and he has less control over how his time is spent because he is at school.  What time he does have at home, he still has homework to complete, his room to clean and he needs to help out around the house now and then.  On top of that, I think he is thirsting for more attention.  I've got to work on that.   What attention he does get is mom pestering him to "do" something: get up, get ready, go use the bathroom, do his homework, go to bed.  And because he does not actually "do" any of the thinks I ask when I ask, I have become the nag.  So, earlier this week when he forgot his homework folder at school, and then missed one morning of school feeling sick, I knew it was going to be a royal battle to get him to complete 6 pages of homework in one night.  Don't get me wrong, they are not hard.  He is very smart and capable.  If he just sat and focused, he'd have them done in no time.  But usually, one page a night is a challenge so I knew that six would be torture. 

What actually happened was only by chance.  I had gotten the majority of our dinner in the oven and I had some time with no other commitments.  I called Chad into the kitchen to encourage him to get started on what felt like a mountain of worksheets.  He sat at the counter and I pulled up a chair next to him.  He knew he had my undivided attention.  We made the homework fun.  I'd race him on a question now and then; he'd tell me what color to color a portion of his page; we pretended that the word bank box was a carnival game and hover the pencil above the words until it stopped on the one he had to use next.  Case in point-he got four of the six pages done in just 20 minutes!!!  We finished the last two just after dinner.  I could hear in his voice that he felt important because I was taking time for him.  Real time-not just nagging time.  His behavior has improved in the day or so since then.  I made a little effort that same day to buy him new shoelaces (his work worn out) and an alarm clock (the morning wake-up routine has been driving me nuts) and those two little things on top of mom taking some time for just him seems to have spoken to his little soul that he matters.  That he is valued.  Oh, how I love that kid!  Now, I need to lock this experience into my memory and do better at making it constant. 

Then, there's this little guy.  He is at such a sweet stage!  Sure, he is starting tantrums, and he hits and screams when he can't seem to tell me what he needs, but he is also pretty sweet and so dang cute!  Lately, I have been noticing that when we pray, he seems to be echoing the words that we say. 

So, when the other night at bedtime, instead of me saying his prayer for him, I asked him to say it and I whispered the words into his ear, pausing for him to repeat.  He did it!  Oh, it warmed my heart!  To the point that I had to stop whispering words to him because my heart was so full.  Mostly, he just repeated the last word that I'd say, but he understands what he is doing, and he has the loudest "Amen".  It is so precious to hear someone so little utter heartfelt words to his Heavenly Father. 

Such a darling little boy at a sweet stage. 

These are the payoff moments of motherhood that make it all worth it. 

My Perfect Life!

A friend and I went to lunch the other day.  Nothing fancy, just mostly so the kids could play and we could talk.  The thing is, when two young mothers of young kids get together, it is really easy to talk about the "hard stuff."  And we did.  I think anyone who has ever been there knows how exhausting and totally time consuming little kids can be.  We talked about the never ending messes, the seemingly unappreciated meals, the near impossibility of leaving the house to run an errand alone!  We talked about husbands who work so hard and seem to never be around, and the constant worry about money.  There are times when it seems like these days will never end (and there are times that I never want them to).  As I think about adding more children to our family, I can't help but feel overwhelmed at the thought of how to balance it all. 

But then  my friend said something profound (at least I thought it was).  She said that even through it all, she thought her life is perfect and she wouldn't want it any other way.   I had to consider that for a minute, but then I came to the same conclusion.  My life really is perfect.  Really.  I mean, no one has a problem free life, and we all have worries and headaches. But stop and think about it . . .

 

 

Pretty perfect huh!?! 

 I think it will always be hard.  There will probably always be things I can stress and worry about.  Every stage of motherhood will have new challenges to offer.  When my hubby is around more and money is no longer a worry, I will have teenagers who are never around and I'll worry about their driving.  There's always something, right? 

So I guess the moral of this story is to enjoy it now.  Besides, "If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard." 

Growing Into Motherhood

Motherhood is an interesting thing. It seems to be something where you slowly learn over time and change your ways and your goals. Where you begin to relinquish some of your control and discover increased peace and contentment in the process. I reflected on this realization the other day when I took my middle son to the greenhouse to get some soil pep. As we were leaving, he expressed that he wanted to walk over the bridge. This greenhouse has a bridge over a pond on one side. Even just a year ago, I would have said "no", that we needed to hurry home. Instead, I loaded our purchases into the car and then walked back over with him to stand on the bridge. He was so thrilled to be standing on the bridge, looking at the fish and the water. It only took a minute or two, but it made his day. Once we got off the bridge, he said to me, "mom, I wanted to go on the bridge this many times,"holding up three fingers. I told him to run over it two more times and then we'd go, which he happily did with a very satsified grin in his face. He had no complaints as we got in the car and headed home. Had I said no to going on the bridge, he might have whined and cried for 20 minutes, or put up a fight to get into the car. And I used to do just that with my oldest. I tried to own all of the control. I was always in a hurry. And I paid the price with many, many, many a tantrum. Now, as I have learned through these experiences and mistakes, it seems I know better which battles to pick. I am allowing my children to be individuals, and I am choosing to let two minute adventures supersede the "hurry" I always seem to be in.
This morning, I needed to get out of my house. I needed to enjoy the beautiful spring weather that has finally decided to show it's face. I packed up my three kids and we headed out for a bike ride, with two in the bike trailer and one on his own bike. We live near the country, with open canals and gravel lining most roads we were traveling. But again, I noticed myself having more patience than I might have in the past, letting my son ride at his own pace and stop when he got into the gravel. I was able to calmly comfort him when we had to ride near the canal. I know there were times in years past when I was cross and frustrated at him for riding too slow, or for getting off his bike to walk it across a road. Now, I realize how counter productive that was. My griping at him did not help him to ride faster or more confidently. On the contrary. Now I find myself smiling and enjoying then experience, and praising him for his success.
I guess I've realized that, at least for me, some lessons just come with time and from mistakes. Maybe that's why you hear seasoned mothers often say they with they could do it again knowing what they know now. I'm starting to understand their longing. But, I'm also beginning to accept myself as a mother and be patient with the learning process. I'm far from being a perfect mother. I still loose my patience and make many, many mistakes. But now, I'm beginning to realize that those mistakes serve as learning experiences to help me become the mother I want to be.

Some Thoughts on Motherhood

I had a wonderful Mother's Day. My oldest made a darling gift for me at school. He was asked questions about him mom and he had to fill in the blanks. I happened to be in his class when several of the groups were working on their gifts. I got a chuckle out of some of their answers. One of the questions was, "My mom loves . . ." and the kids had to answer. My son answered "me" meaning I love him. When asked that same question, one of the girls in his class responded with "texting". "My mom loves texting". Another question was, "My mom always says . . .". My sons answer was "I love you.". This little girl's answer- "toothless". Kids are so funny, and honest.
My hubby also cooked for me. He had been contemplating several gifts and I finally just said that more than anything I really just wanted someone else to plan, prepare, and clean up dinner. He did a nice job, although he had to ask me to help along the way. I do often take for granted the skills needed to prepare a meal. My husband assured me that it required him to multitask, which he does not do. But I so appreciated it!
I read some wonderful thoughts on motherhood while I was relaxing yesterday, and I just wanted to share a few of them.
First, from Elder Quentin L. Cook, "No woman should ever feel the need to apologize or feel that her contribution is less significant because she is devoting her primary efforts to raising and nurturing children.". I liked that one, because sometimes, I do feel like I am less significant for staying home. I always love a good reminder that what I am doing matters. Next, from Sheri Dew, "[Satan]does everything he can to dishonor and devalue both womanhood and motherhood. He well knows that those who rock the cradle are perhaps in the best possible position to rock his diabolical earthly empire. [He] is hoping to confuse women with wordily enticements or secular philosophies that appear more satisfying or even more enlightening".
Sheri Dew also shared this thought, "In the pre mortal world, when our Father described our role, I wonder if we didn't stand in wide-eyed wonder that He would bless us with a sacred trust so central to His plan and that He would endow us with gifts so vital to the loving and leading of His children. I wonder if we shouted for joy [over this]. The world won't tell you that, but the Spirit will.". I loved the picture that came to my mind as I imagined that scene.
Not only do I value being a mother, but I have been blessed with wonderful women who have mothered me throughhout my life. My own mom and my mother in law as well as moms of friends and wonderful leaders and teachers. Each has influenced my life in some way. Mothers really do matter. I'm so glad for a day to reflect on that.

I have a chair in my son's room.  It is a rocker I purchased from my sister shortly before my youngest son was born.  I wanted to have a comfortable place to feed, rock and otherwise love my new, precious baby. 

I sat in that chair tonight, admiring my now one-year-old son peacefully sleeping in his crib.  I couldn't help but think back on where we've been in the last year.  One year ago, my wonderful mother-in-law was at our home, graciously giving a week of her time to help us as we tried to juggle three children and my husband's schedule as he finished up his last weeks of school in preparation for graduation.  She made meals, shuttled my oldest to preschool and back, provided conversation and otherwise made our life more comfortable during this time.  My husband graduated just a week later when our baby was just 19 days old. 

As I gazed on my little bug tonight, I was filled with so many emotions of joy over the changes and blessings of the last year.  A year ago, I could never have imagined where life would take us.  There were times I wished the heavens would part just a little so I could see the Lord's plan for our life.  Instead, I was required to trust in His plan and allow it to unfold.  For anyone who knows me, patience is not easy for me.  And now, as I face new challenges and unknowns, I once again wish for all the answers now, but again, I must wait on the Lord's timing. 

The thought occurred to me that just as the Lord teaches us these lessons on patience, we will in turn need to teach our children.  Teach them that all the answers don't always come NOW, and that they aren't always the answers we want.  Teach them that the Lord's way is a better way, even if we can't see it at the time.  And of course, teaching these truths to our children will solidify them in our own mind.

Today, We Made Cookies

  I had to go to the school today. Not to the school my son attends, but to the one I used to teach at. I can’t enter those doors without remembering what it was like to leave. After teaching for five years, I decided to leave my position to stay home and raise my son. Sure, there were some who were supportive. But others said things like, “What will you do at home all day?” or “I sent my kids to daycare and they are just fine. Why don’t you do that and you can still have your career?” or “Do you think it is really worth it?” Most of those teachers are still teaching there. And although no one ever says it, I still feel that they are saying the same things when they see me now four years later. I wish I could admit that being home with my children is always blissful. (But then again, I could never have said that teaching was always blissful either.) There are many days when I am overwhelmed by even the smallest tasks, like getting three children in and out of the car multiple times to run errands, or juggling schedules to make sure the baby gets his nap and we still meet our other obligations. There are days when I am lonely, very lonely. No, I am never alone, but sometimes I long for company other than children 5 and under. But do I think that it is really worth it? Absolutely! When I get to watch my children light up at a new skill they discovered they could do, or when I hear laughter from my boys playing, I know it is worth it. When I am there for the milestones of my infant, or the potty success of my toddler, I know it is worth it. Sure, someone else could take care of my children, but no one else could be their mother.

  And so when someone asks, “What will you do at home all day?” I might respond with, “Well, today we made cookies.” My 3-year-old loves to make cookies, and today, I even let him crack the egg, all by himself. His expression said it meant the world to him. “Today, I cuddled my sick baby, and held him while he cried.” “Today, I taught my 5-year-old to tie his shoes. “ He has been begging me for days. “Today, I taught my children that work is fun, as we folded the clothes and put them away.” I taught my children to manage money they had earned for allowance, and both paid a tithe (by choice, I might add). And although not every day is productive, or even always fun, in my heart of hearts I can say to those who will ask, “Do you think it is really worth it?” a resounding “YES!” Jane Clayson Johnson said in her book, I Am A Mother, “I am convinced that when you use your time now to love and teach your children, it cannot be misspent. Don’t let the voices of the world distract you in your service.”

Mothers matter

We all know that mothers matter, but it is so easy to hear the voice of the world that to really make a difference, one must have a career, earn an income, and be successful in the way that the world defines success. At the end of a normal day of mothering, I often ask myself , "What did I accomplish today?" I find myself saying to my husband, "I didn't get anything done today." I usually feel this way because anything I did around the house has been undone, the meal I made has been consumed, and there is nothing to show for the time I spend playing with, clothing, feeding, reading to, and otherwise entertaining children. I know that those things are so important, but still, it is so easy to become distracted with outside endeavors. I recently found a quote that said, "Satan has found a willing partner in the world to blind us and distract us with so many other 'wordly endeavors' that we forget that motherhood is the most worthwile venture of all." -Jane Clayson Johnson
Isn't that the truth!!!