Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Peace and Quiet-More of the Same Thoughts

I'm home.  All alone.  (Well, almost.  The baby is sleeping.)  It is just SO quiet!
A neighbor called and invited my two older boys to join her children at a movie.  They went to see Gnomeo and Juliet.  That's a brave mom, huh?!  Her three and my two makes five kids, ages six and under.  At a movie theater!  Bless her soul. 
So here I sit, in peace and quiet till the baby awakes.  I like it.  I think.  To be honest, this is what I long for on most days.  Just quiet time to myself.  The thing is, I'm actually quite lonely. Because I had not planned on this, I don't even have any projects waiting for me to work on.  I can't help but realize that all too soon, this is what I'll have every day . . . quiet.  On most days, it doesn't feel like those quiet days ahead will be here very quickly.  When school is in full swing, I still have 2 children at home, and I fully intend to have more.  So when I think of it that way, I can't help but be overwhelmed by the thought that I still have probably ten years before all of my kiddos are in school.  At times when I am feeling especially overwhelmed, my sister always tells me to think of my 5-year plan.  I laugh and remind her that my 5-year plan involves having two more children. 
I have been very guilty of wishing away this stage of motherhood. But the truth is, we can no more speed up the days of our lives than we can slow them down. Someone once said it this way, "Have you ever sat down to eat something yummy, only to get distracted by a phone call just as you take your first bite? The next thing you know, the phone call is over and your food has disappeared. But you don't recall tasting a thing.". If I'm not careful, that will be my experience as a mother. One day I'll wake up and my children will be grown and I'll have missed it all.
Does this quote by Emily Halverson describe how you feel sometimes? "Many days [are]colored by the paradoxical perspective of not wanting life to change, yet wondering if I [can] bear it's chaos a second longer. [I] wonder how I [can] make it through the next twelve hours before bedtime arrive[s], while worrying that [these] hours [will] never be enough to harvest all the possible joy. How [can] I want to fast-forward,, pause, and rewind all in the same breath?"  I LOVE that!  And it so describes how I feel. 
To be honest, just being aware of the passage of time brings change to my mothering. Tonight, Chad came into my room after getting out of his bed. That is always frustrating to me, as I so long for a few moments to myself in the evening. I was reading in my bed. He asked, "Mom, can I fall asleep in your room?". I responded with, "Well, sweetie, that's going to be awfully hard because the light is on.". Without missing a beat, he reached for the bedside lamp and said, "Well, you can turn off the big light and use this lantern.". I just couldn't say no, so off went the big light and on went the 'lantern'. And for this moment, I'll pause time and let my oldest son snuggle by me in bed, knowing that there will come a time when he no longer wants to snuggle in my bed.  At least I can take comfort in the fact that although I can't stop the passage of time,  I can still harvest its memories. 
Here are a few memories from this last week. 
Who needs anything else when this is in your back yard?

Our first craft (Monday)

A field trip to the petting zoo
The baby is awake and my older two are on their way home.  I had best go and enjoy these moments, the laughter, the screams, the giggles, and even the lack of quiet.

1 comment:

  1. So glad you are taking time for the important moments. I am still learning to balance this as well.


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